


Personal Hell

by tillthestarsevaporate



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Arguing, AvaLance, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-24
Updated: 2019-04-24
Packaged: 2020-01-31 11:20:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18590218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tillthestarsevaporate/pseuds/tillthestarsevaporate
Summary: I don't know if there is a specific name for this type of fic, but this is basically my take on what was going through Ava's mind while she was in Purgatory.Takes place during 4x12.





	Personal Hell

**Author's Note:**

> It's been about a year since I wrote for Avalance. Hope you like it!

 

 

It had been a long day for Ava. Quite exhausting, both physically and emotionally. It started with her falling captive to an evil demon - one stupid enough to let her out of his sight, she might add. Irresponsible enough to underestimate the Legends.

He’d said something about enslaving her in her personal hell. A few agonising breaths later, she found herself at the store, of all places.

Personal hell much? It did not make sense.

There she had been, fumbling with a house plant while she anxiously waited in line at the cashier, her only thought that she had to get out of there as soon as possible. The anxiety, she understood. She hated not being in control. She hated waiting, and waiting, her reprieve dependent on some poorly trained teen manning – or womanning - the cashier. The question was: why was she holding a houseplant?

As sweat trickled down her cheeks, Sara had shown up, grabbing her arm and turning her around. Her eyes concerned, her breaths relieved. After Ava’s initial shock, they joined in an embrace that she still replayed in her mind. She kept going over Sara’s lack of hesitation even though they were not together anymore.

“I’ve got you!” Sara’s firmness had brought back her awareness of her surroundings.

Crap, she was still at the store, but at least she didn’t have to bear another second of loneliness – Sara would provide distraction and support.

Yet, she could not afford to forget why she had broken up with Sara in the first place. Sara lacked the consideration to give Ava the benefit of the doubt when all Ava asked of her was to hand over a fugitive. If there was something she absolutely hated about Sara, it was her complete disregard for the rules sometimes. She had to remember that.

 

##

 

“Why is Gary in your subconscious?”

Oh. She hadn’t told Sara about that.

Her unresolved Gary issues were the definition of complicated. Gary was awkward, but deep down, he loved her, and she knew that. She loved him, too, but not in the same way. Somehow, Gary always managed to miss her absolutely-not-subtle attempts at explaining that she didn’t share what he felt.

He still didn’t get it, or pretended to be stupid, and Ava got used to playing along, the way one lied to protect a younger brother. It was a small price to pay for his unconditional support.

After all, he’d willingly given them the clue to get out of that part of the store: the wardrobe.

The one with which they got locked in and were forced to build. And, of course, the Great Captain Lance had taken charge. Of course, Sara refused to follow the rules, the same way she wanted to take a shortcut only moments earlier instead of following the arrows on the floor.

Sara stood metaphorically tall and proud, admiring her magnificent creation – the dresser that failed to stand for longer than one second.

“I got this,” Sara had said prior to putting the parts together. If that’s how Sara _got_ things, she seriously questioned how Sara got her back. She wouldn’t stop her sarcastic mouth from uttering the next words. “What a surprise, you followed none of the instructions and it didn’t work.”

That’s when another of Ava’s fears had made itself heard. She admitted that the reason she got so defensive during their most recent fight was that she gets scared when they fight.

She never told anyone what she told Sara then: she goes to her corner when she’s distraught. She zones out, her insecurities kick in, and suddenly it’s not Ava inhabiting her body, but a bunch of hyperactive nerves replacing her logical brain.

Sara’s reassurance that she was always on Ava’s team temporarily pulled her away from said corner as they tried to raise the fallen-down mess of wood from the ashes.

Then, of course, things had to go wrong. _Again_. It wouldn’t be them if things went right. How had they done everything so perfectly but for one missing piece? Why did something have to go wrong _every single time?_ Who-

“It’s not perfect, but it’s ours. Can you live with that?”

Could she?

“Hey, don’t go in your corner,” said Sara gently. Later, Ava would repeat the memory in her head and her heart would jump in joy. But right then, she was trying her best to not fall too far away.

“Yes, I can live with it,” came her response, followed by the wardrobe door opening. Sara and Ava ran to Narnia.

It’s also important to note that Ava was not in favour of torturing magical creatures.

 

##

 

They emerged into the mattress showroom of the store because, surely, things had to get more confusing. There was nothing to assemble, so why the hell were they sent here? Perhaps they needed to sleep it off and they would awake to discover it had all been just a dream.

“Are we out?”

“Out of the closet” – nice one, Sara – “but not the store.”

They proceeded to make the most important decision of their lives.

Mattress A: Expensive but would be worth it in the long run. Sara disagreed. Her solution for when the mattress got saggy: _flip it over_. Which begged the question: was that how Sara planned to solve all their problems?

Admittedly, Ava had taken this remark the wrong way and blew things out of proportion. You see, why would the choice of mattress reflect how someone worked out their issues? Why hadn’t Ava considered other reasons for Sara’s reluctance? Possibly Sara simply did not have the money to invest in an expensive mattress.

Ava blamed her own comfy mattress.

Mattress B: Fifteen freaking years warranty. Well, well, well, if it wasn’t Monsieur Grey Hair and Madame Wrinkles, and the fear that trumped all fears.

Ava was worried about getting old with Sara. That is, assuming they actually manage to live long enough to grow old. Has she forgotten how many times their lives were put in danger ever since the day they met?

Mattress C witnessed what might actually be the most significant choice of their lives. Marriage: yay or nay?

Ava has been thinking about their future for a while, but how would she dare bring something like that up? How dare she ask Sara to commit to one person for the rest of her life? Dare she hope Sara reciprocates those feelings?

“I’ve never really thought that much past tomorrow,” Sara declared. Is that why she called her team _Legends of_ _Tomorrow?_

On a serious note, though, Sara had caught her off-guard with her next declaration. “With my past, planning anything for the future feels like tempting fate. And I convinced myself I liked it that way. Until you came along.”

Oh, Sara, why must you say things like that?

“What if I can’t be the person that you need?” Why, Sara, why?

In that moment, Ava spelt her thoughts aloud. “Neither of us needs anybody, right? But you are who I want.”

Ava took Sara’s hands in hers, and they fell onto the mattress.

At least that’s what they thought they were doing.

 

##

 

The kitchen section, because of course.

The door was locked, perfect. They were trapped again, because why not?

There were dishes in the sink, because how about another team-building exercise?

What Ava thought would be an easy feat – washing the dishes – transformed into an ever-growing sequence of chores that Ava and Sara horribly failed to complete. Astonishing.

The longer she stayed in this realm, the more she pondered how they were ever able to work together. It was no wonder the trash bin fell.

“Got it,” Sara said.

“I’m on it,” Ava said when the light bulb broke.

But of course, another one broke the moment she touched the first. And then they were showered by endless mail, which proved to be the most important test of their relationship yet when a frustrated Sara said, “This is all your mail. You deal with it.”

_This is all your mail. You deal with it._

THIS IS ALL YOUR MAIL. YOU DEAL WITH IT?

As if Sara and Ava weren’t partners. Ava did not know if Sara actually forgot, or if she didn’t understand what partnership comprised. It meant they shared everything. It meant her problem became their problem.

Ava, shaking her head, countered with a stinging remark. “It’s not like you have an address to even get mail.” It was meant to _be_ stinging, but also to shed a light on the fact that Sara still hasn’t decided whether to move in with Ava. Sara thought it was too soon, and Ava wouldn’t take it. She wanted to settle down, and she needed Sara to make a decision. A yes or a no, timing was irrelevant.

She could no longer stand how they were almost living two separate lives. Yes, both involved time travel, but they barely saw each other. Their conversations have turned into monotonous, idle talks, and Ava was always tired by the end of the day to elaborate on weird encounters, funny Gary-moments, or how much she missed Sara.

“I am not my work.” She wasn’t.

“I want a life with you.” She truly did. Ava was willing to face boredom and monotony if it meant making a life with Sara outside of their work.

Sara really seemed to be losing her grip on reality when she asked Ava to just tell her what to say so they could get out of there. Purgatory had obviously gotten to her. Ava wanted to leave just as badly, but she seriously questioned how Sara didn’t care if they actually resolved the problem they were discussing.

However, she did not deny that Sara had come to Purgatory for her.

Nobody was perfect, and Sara was clearly trying to be a better person. She’d come a long way, and she was doing her best. At her core, Ava believed Sara loved her and that everything she’d done was what she thought was best. Ava had to give her credit for that.

“I can’t tell you what to say because then it wouldn’t mean anything.”

All day, Sara had been rapidly shifting from hot to cold. One moment, she was tender, gentle, reassuring. The next, like right then, she was angry, frustrated. Dismissive.

Ava didn’t know what to make of it, but she didn’t get the chance to think about it further, for her surroundings suddenly changed at Sara’s mention of recycling.

She was not shuffling with the mail anymore.

 

##

 

Ava found herself back at the main showroom.

She didn’t know how she got there, but she stopped trying to make sense of Purgatory two missions earlier. She also didn’t know how, but she could see Sara in a showroom full of _Ava_ s.

Recycling, huh?

She watched Sara run from the approaching darkness, refusing to pick anyone but her, declaring that she wasn’t leaving without _her_ Ava.

And then she was standing in front of her.

Ava thought it was resolved. She thought she was confident Sara wouldn’t leave her for any of the others that _looked_ _like her_ _._ She hadn’t realised until then that she still had doubts. Doubts that were never going to completely go away, but ones that only Sara could alleviate, if only a little. She started to cry as she grasped the severity of her situation: she was going to need constant reassurance.

Sara smiled, then, and ran to her.

“You could’ve chosen any of those other women.”

“I don’t _want_ other women.”

Ava forgot what else she was going to say when Sara’s lips came onto hers. The kiss did not solve any of their problems, but she forgot about them for a few, blissful seconds.

And then Sara was gone.

 

##

 

A few minutes later, Ava found herself lying down, bright lights blurring her vision, before she fully recognised she was on the Waverider, its captain looking intently at her. Sara’s worried eyes grew less troubled right then. The change was quick, but it did not slip past Ava’s keen observation.

“You did it,” Ava told her.

“No. _We_ did it.”

Was it possible that Sara was finally beginning to understand? Probably. Change was difficult, it rarely happened right away. But as long as one put the effort, it was possible.

Sara kissed her again.

Some might think kissing was just a physical act, but in that moment, Ava was absolutely certain it wasn’t.

In that moment, Ava knew it would all be worth it. 

 

 

 


End file.
